Metal Hammer January 2008 – Spanish Inquisition

January 21, 2012 § Leave a comment

Will the new Metallica album suck big time?

-Dave, email
Brian Fair: “Well, you know I still have faith in Metallica. I’m like that girlfriend that keeps going back to the guy who beats her. You keep psyching yourself up, like, ‘He’s gonna change…!’ And then, ‘Boom!’ you get a smack in the face. But I’m still carrying the flame for them.”
Matt Pachand: “The Black album took me a while to get into, but now in retrospect it’s so much better than everything else that happened so I still love it. And it’s still the case that when you see them live, they’re kings. It’s still amazing. Just not in the studio.”
Hammer: “Would you agree with the statement that Metallica have made more bad albums than good ones?”
Brian: “Well, I guess ‘Re-Load’ isn’t really an album so that may throw it…”
Matt: “It was ‘Un-Load’. With ‘St. Anger’ I thought it just didn’t have the riffs.”
Brian: “It was no ‘Cliff ‘Em All’! And getting your therapist to write lyrics is definitely not a good idea.”

What would you get up to if you were invisible for a while day?

-Chris Of Doom, myspace
Matt: “Like any guy, I’d be in the ladies’ locker room.”
Brian: “Dressing room at Victoria’s Secret, all the way!”

Who would win in a fight between Kerry King and all of Manowar?

-Juggz, email
Brian: “Ooh. Well, if Kerry King was angry and loaded up with Jägermeister and Manowar were not carrying swords, I’d put my money on Kerry King. If they were armed with broadswords, OK then maybe, but say if Kerry’s King’s guitar rig went down and he had a bottle of Jäger, like in that kind of mood, then no one’s stopping him. Like The Incredible Hulk.”
Matt: “Yeah, but with or without motorcycles though? If Manowar’s on foot they don’t really have a chance, but on bikes, ‘Return Of The Warlord’ style, then they could probably out-joust him.”
Brian: “OK, but Kerry King is a powerful man. Terrifying.”
Matt: “Even when he’s in a good mood there’s still that fury behind the sunglasses. It’s all intensity. Some guys get it all out on stage, that’s why they play metal, and they’re mellow the rest of the time. Kerry King feels those riffs 24 hours a day. It’s legitimate anger.”

You were recently dubbed by an American magazine as the reigning purveyors of ‘everyone metal’. What the hell is ‘everyone metal’? Is that the next big thing?

-Pamela, email
Brian: “I think it’s because only dudes come to see us play. It’s a nice way to say that guys at the gas station love us. But yeah, everydude metal is going to take over.”
Matt: “What has 2,000 legs and four tits? A Shadows Fall gig.”
Brian: “Ladies! Don’t be afraid! Come down to see us. We’re all a bunch of nice dudes. We’ll kick out a little ‘Sexual Healing’ every time, promise!”
Hammer: “Happy tom from Turbonegro once said that there are two kinds of bands: bands that get groupies, and bands that get ‘groupers’ – guys who come backstage and want to talk about bands. Are you the latter?”
Brian: “Eggs-actly!”

Matt, I heard you were listening to Snow Patrol when you were working on your new album. What the fuck?

-Kashmir, myspace
Matt: “Well, I guess that’s my answer: ‘What the fuck?’ Why not? If all you listen to is metal and you try to create something original, all you’ll create is a carbon-copy rehashed bullshit, so why not expand your mind and create a space you can really explore?”
Brian: “Plus, if you steal their ideas they won’t notice as soon as if you just go and steal a Metallica riff.”

You’re from Springfield. Do you know Homer Simpson personally?

-Finn, email
Matt: “I do actually know Homer Simpson…!”
Brian: “Yeah, I think he’s in our band! He plays a four-stringed instrument.”

Brian, your favorite band is The Smiths. Have you ever plucked Morrissey’s Gladioli?

-Fuckafold, myspace
Brian: “Um… no! I’ve seen Morrissey many times live but I have yet to meet the man himself, and to be honest I don’t really want to because I’m sure he’s an asshole, which I think is awesome, but again, it just goes back to after years of metal you need different takes on music, a different perspective on things. There’s this honesty there and you just can’t duplicate it because it’s so obvious that it comes from his personality and that’s how he really is. And that’s why HR from Bad Brains is another one of my heroes, because nobody else can sound like him or write lyrics like him, so I take that from him. I don’t try to emulate him because of that, I just take the idea of emulating, but I take that idea of being yourself very seriously, 100 per cent all the time, and that’s what I get from Morrissey and HR. Plus, if you put Morrissey on it works a bit better with the ladies than if you just put on some grindcore.”

What would you like to change about any of your bandmates?

-Mr. Pissypants, myspace
Brian: “Um… almost all of it! You learn all the good and the bad stuff when you’re living out of each other’s pockets for 10 years. Everybody has their little quirks but I wouldn’t change any of them because it makes you who they are. OK, our guitar-tech’s snoring problem…”
Hammer: “That’s it?”
Brian: “OK, Paul (Ramanko, bassist) steps on my feet on stage all the time. It’s like wherever I’m going he gets there a second before I do, but all the strobe lights probably confuse him a little bit after a few beers. It’s OK though because there’s a lot of hair flying around all the time.”
Hammer: “Does your hair cause a lot of injuries?”
Matt: “Oh my god, it does! He used to wear these little metal cuffs at the end of his hair that’d clock us in the head or nearly rip a nipple out. It’s deadly!”
Brian: “My hair has gotten stuck in every tuning peg and mouth on stage… cymbal stands… everything! The guys pretty much know to stay away now but if we’re all on a small stage, people are going to be eating my hair, there’s just no way around it.”

Brian, what’s the worst metal faux pas you have ever committed?

-Brian, kent
Brian: “I’ve done the classic ‘saying a wrong name’ but not to anybody famous.”
Matt: “Have we ever stolen anyone’s stuff before? I’m sure we have. And I’m pretty sure we pissed off Ozzy too. There were many days when our dressing room was right next door to theirs.”
Brian: “we tend to be very drunk and loud. Oh wait! Corey from Slipknot. We have this device that makes a terrible noise like a cat getting gutted and we were doing it really loud one time while Black Sabbath were doing press in the next room and Corey comes in and tells us, ‘Black Sabbath want you to keep it down!’ We were already drunk.”

Brian, as a person whose hair causes no shortage of comment, what advice would you give to Axl Rose?

-Lucifer, email
Brian: “Get someone to give you some better plugs if they’re falling out, man! The ultimate rock star downfall is having to cancel a show because your hair got fucked up and you need a transplant. Honestly, for me, I’d be more concerned about his facelifts than his hair. Seriously, he looks like a candle that’s starting to melt. I mean, we’re talking about one of the greatest rockers of his time. ‘Appetite For Destruction’ will still go down as one of the vest rock records ever. I saw them twice on the tour and it doesn’t get much better, but how do you fuck up something that great that bad?”
Hammer: “Should the old line-up get together?”
Brian: “We toured alongside Velvet Revolver, and Duff McKagan and Slash were gods, just killing it every night, so yeah they should do it, but only once. Crush the crowd and get the fuck out. Led Zeppelin should tour, though. The Clash never got back together though and I totally respect that but I really want to see Led Zeppelin. So they should.”

Joey DeMaio recently stated that he would die for metal. Which was the basis of a Manowar song of the same name. Would you die for metal?

-John, staffordshire
Brian: “You know, I’d take a few good blows for metal but I don’t know if I’m ready to die for it.”
Hammer: “So would you die for Snow Patrol?”
Matt: “Possibly.”
Brian: “One thing I’ve always wanted to ask Joey is, ‘Just who are these enemies of metal?’ We’ve toured the world and so far we have not been attacked… yet.”
Matt: “We are still waiting for these ambushes from the enemies of metal, like ninjas coming out and playing us Backstreet Boys CDs. And we’re willing to fight…!”
Brian: “But we’re on your side, Joey! We’ve got your back, buddy.”

You eat a bad kebab and shit your pants. The hottest groupie ever walks into your tour bus. Do you turn her down?

-Harry, email
Brian: “No, I tatally just enjoy the fact that she doesn’t know she’s about to go the bad place.”
Matt: “That makes it even better.”
Brian: “That’s totally a story for my grandkids. I’d get a picture so I could show them.”
Hammer: “You sound as though you speak from experience…”
Brian: “No, but I’d love that story. Normally I would not involve fecal matter in my sexual experiences but hey, shit happens! It’s like that classic Ron Jeremy scene where he’s getting blown in the toilet and keeps farting so it really echoes.”
Matt: “These opportunities don’t come around very often.”
Hammer: “Are you familiar with the term ‘blumpkin’?”
Matt: “Ah yes… it’s the act of taking a shit while simultaneously receiving a blow job.”
Brian: “I can’t imagine being relaxed enough to be able to do both at once, it seems like alternate muscles are being used, but I salute whoever can.”

Source: Metal Hammer, issue 173, pg. 84

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